Some years ago, a friend who was one of the most beloved physician healers in Western Massachusetts died. He and his family were part of a wide circle of community and after he died they did a variety of moving spiritual rituals – they got a Tibetan Lama to come chant, they did 49 days of prayer practice, they did visualizations, they bathed his body, and shared many beautiful offerings.

After all this, his wife wanted to know what happened to him after his death. She went first to a wonderful Sufi master they had practiced with and asked, “Do you have any sense of what’s happened to him?” The master closed his eyes and said, “Yes, I’ve been tracking him. He’s now in Sufi heaven with the Saints. He was such a saintly soul.” Hearing this answer, she felt consoled.

Then she ran into the Tibetan Lama who had helped with her husband’s transition. She said, “I’ve been wondering how he’s doing.” The Tibetan Lama said, “Oh yes, don’t worry, I’ve been tracking him through the bardo. He’s now in a particular bardo, and he’s moving to another.” She nodded and thought, “Hmm, that’s a little different, but maybe so.”

The following week she visited a sagely Hindu guru with whom they had also practiced. Without being asked, the guru explained, “Oh, I’ve been meditating and connecting with your husband. He’s already in the womb of a woman in Washington, DC. He’s ready to take his next birth.” She listened confused by three teachers telling her three different things.

Not knowing who to believe, she came to ask me. I certainly was not going to give her another answer. Instead, I responded with a question, “Here’s a great Sufi master and a Hindu guru and a Tibetan Lama all telling you something different. Naturally, this brings confusion, you don’t know who to believe.” She smiled.

Then quietly I asked her, “Leaving aside what spiritual teachers have told you, what is it that you know yourself, truth that no one could tell you different because you know it so deeply? What are the things you actually know? You may not be able to know where your husband is, but what are the deepest knowings you have?”

She began to get still, and then answered, “One of the things I know that no one can tell me different is that everything changes. Everything that appears or arises eventually disappears. Everything that’s born dies. It’s all impermanence, it’s all in change.” I nodded, “Yes. What else do you know?”

She went on, “I’ve learned that the more I hold on to what changes, the more I struggle. And if I let it come and go as it does, life is easier.

I’ve also learned that I can’t stop pleasure and pain, praise and blame, gain and loss. They all keep coming no matter what I try to do. When I get lost in reaction, I suffer a lot. When I relax and come back to my practice of mindfulness and loving kindness, it all goes easier.

I also learned that in the end it’s love that matters and not anyone’s ideas about things. This has gotten even clearer with my husband‘s death.”

These words expressed her deep intuitive wisdom. I bowed and said that she already contained the core teachings that could guide her through birth and life, through changes and death.

Zen Master Soem sa Nim would say: You already understand. You already know.

So I ask you who are reading: take a breath, let yourself get quiet. What do you know no matter what any of the lamas and mamas and swamis and gurus might say? What are the the deepest truths that you know about this human incarnation?

Now, through this lens of wisdom, take a moment to reflect. What is a compelling or difficult question for you in your life? And what would the wisest and most compassionate part of yourself say in response? You can answer. You can know.

The beautiful thing about tuning into your deep understanding is that wisdom is both gracious and playful. As it says in the Tao Te Ching—

If you don’t remember the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. But when you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kind-hearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you. And even when death comes, you are at ease.

It is with the gracious ease of the Tao that you can begin to playfully navigate life from your own intuitive heart.

With metta,
Jack

This article is an excerpt from my February Dharma Talk and Heart Wisdom Podcast – Ep. 233: Wisdom is Playful. Watch/Listen here.